10 Things Not to Say to a Couple with Four Daughters

Having four daughters means that every time — and I’m not exaggerating….every. time. — we go out in public with our kids, someone has to open their big mouth and insult us and our children. These people are not aware — so I’m told by others who try to tell me to let it go — that their comments are hurtful, and they actually think they are either helping or being funny. Newsflash: It’s neither helpful nor funny.

I’m not concerned at all with what people have to say to me. I’m an adult, and everyone is entitled to their own dumb opinions. But when it comes to these comments being said in front of my daughters, it upsets me.

I know how receptive I was to the comments of others when I was a child; I can’t imagine hearing these same lines over and over as if something is wrong with me. As if it’s a curse to be girl. I’m one of three daughters to my parents, but I don’t remember comments like these.

I also don’t remember ever going to many public places as a family. My mom did most of the shopping, and my dad worked a lot. I wonder if my dad had been there with us, if we would’ve heard comments like these.

Letting it go is not going to do anything for me, and since I’m always feeling the need to enlighten the people who make these rude remarks to us in front of our kids but I try to be a nice person, I’ll do it here, on my own web space. Ha!

I asked my Facebook friends if they’d help me to come up with something to say to these people. I’m not naturally kind to people who are rude to me, but I’d like to get my point across and make them think about what they’ve said without being rude right back to them. Under each comment, I’ll write my new comeback.

10 Things not to say to a couple with four daughters. Here we go…

10. Bless your heart

This sounds like a sweet comment, but where I’m from, it’s very much negative. It’s kind of like saying, “I’m so glad it’s you and not me.” It’s not a nice thing to say.

Reply: Yes, we are. Thank you!

9. Are you going to try for a boy?

This one hurts a little more than all the rest. My husband and I very much wanted a boy, and we did “try” for a boy, if that even is a real thing. God decided we needed four girls, and that’s good enough for us. We will not be having any more babies of our own making. I don’t think I could handle another little one running around here.

Reply: Nope. Our fourth daughter completed our family perfectly.

8. That’s a lot of estrogen

All right…why? Why would someone say this? Is that a bad thing? Apparently it is. I just don’t get it.

Reply: Yep. Enough to rule the world someday!

7. Poor Daddy

I do not feel bad for my husband in the least. When he comes home from work, he has four little girls run to him in excitement. He’s all of their favorite, and I’m okay with that.

Reply: He’s the most blessed of us all. There’s nothing like the love of a daughter for her daddy.

6. I’m glad I don’t live in your house

Yes. Someone actually said this to us. I couldn’t think of a nice things to say to this one, and neither could my friends. Ha ha!

Reply: Yeah, me too.

5. No football at your house!

First of all, why can’t a girl like or play football? It’s 2019. I have lots of female friends who like football. This is just a ridiculous thing to say, and yes, it was said by a man. Second, my husband doesn’t like football either, so win win.

Reply: You’re right. We’re more of a baseball family.

4. Don’t you know what causes that?

Ew. This comment is more said about the fact that we have four kids, not girls in particular. The fact that a stranger would have the nerve to comment on someone else’s personal like boggles my mind.

Reply: Yes, we do, and we really enjoy it!

3. You must not have a TV in your room

This one wasn’t said to us personally, but it was said to a friend of ours who also has four children, and I wanted to mention it because it’s just so, so ridiculous and personal. It goes along with number four. What would have to happen in your brain to make you want to say something like this out loud to a stranger? It’s disgusting.

Reply: Nope.

2. You have your hands full

Thank you, Captain Obvious, for letting me know that. Sometimes I want to quote Jim Gaffigan. “Yeah, but I can still punch you in the face.”

Reply: You should see my heart.

1. I feel sorry for you

I made this number one because it’s the one we hear the most, and because it’s the most rude of all the comments we hear. It’s not as bad as “If I were you, I’d kill myself,” which has been said to a friend of mine who has twins, but I think it’s close.

The last time we heard this one, my oldest daughter asked us why anyone would feel sorry for us, and then our second oldest asked why people tell us that every time we go out. I always feel the need to remind them that there is nothing wrong with being a girl.

All our girls are blessing to us, and I love having all these girls running around the house. They each have a life-long best friend, and I get lots of help with the little ones — my oldest two are 9 and 12. There is lots of love and laughter in our house, and you won’t find either my husband or I wanting anyone’s pity.

Reply: Don’t feel sorry for us. Our house is filled with lots of love!

In an effort to be more kind in general this year, I’m going to start saying these replies to the strangers who think they need to butt in.

I have friends who tell me they get comments like these because they have all boys, or they get negative comments for the age difference in their children or because they only have one child. Can no one do anything right anymore? Can we all just have our own families the way we want or the way God wants and mind our own business if someone else does things differently?

I hope you found this helpful if you, too, are wanting some nice one-liners to reply to ignorant strangers! What kind of comments do you hear? I’d love for you to let me know in the comments.

And share with your friends if you want to passively let them know to shut it. :)

 
Kari Cox
 
 
 
Kari Cox

I’m Kari

Thanks for stopping by my little blog where I share my journey through intentionally living the life I was created to live while raising my family.